[Sept 26] It's A Wookie

We are hard on vacuums at our house.

I used to be messy. Anyone who has survived mine and heidis Hawaiian bathroom can attest to that fact. I'm not sure we even had a vacuum.

Then I married Dan.

Dan is clean. So I became clean-er.

I like to vacuum alot. In fact, while most girls my age are dreaming of Tiffany's diamonds or a great pair of boots, I've been (not so secretly) longing for a dyson animal vacuum for quite some time now. Anyway, this is our third vacuum in two years.

I haven't been able to look down at the ground due to my neck injury. After two days of peeling Cheetos and fruit snacks off of my heels I asked Dan to vacuum.

He kindly obliged, (as he always does because I married a saint) and started vacuuming. He quickly found himself immersed in a cloud of dust while the familiar smell of burnt hair permeated the air.

Off went the vacuum. After a brief inspection this is what he found:

He took pictures of it so I could see. Isn't that sweet? Then he began the wookie removal process. My hair was about half an inch thick wrapped around that thing. He snipped and scraped and ripped and tore and finally the wookie was free.

Then he brought the bag of clippings over to me and said, "You should send this into locks of love because there's enough hair here to make a wig."

Normally cleaning my wookies from the shower drain, vacuums, even his socks and underwear, puts him in a bad mood. Lucky for me I was a pathetic wounded wife. How could he get mad at this face?

Love you babes!

[Sept 25] Choob's Ice Cream Social

Dan and I attended our first preschool function along with The choob and his new pumpkin he named "wallet". He goes to the best little preschool and has the best teacher in the whole world.

I was all hopped up on painkillers so of course I had a WONDERFUL time despite my robot posture.

All the families bring dinner and picnic together on the lawn. The classrooms were open for us to see and they served big ol ice cream sundaes at the end. Of course no picnic would be complete with out an appearance from The Kraken.

How cute is that little cubby of his?

He likes to sit in the chair and read. With wallet by his side. All in all a wonderful night!

[Sept 29] The Results are In.......I've Got A Protruder!

The MRI (aka modern day torture chamber) showed that I had a herniated disc in the C5/C6 cervical region. The doctor explained the three levels of herniation in a way I could relate to:

The Hostess Cupcake

Your disc is like a hostess cupcake.

First degree of herniation is a Bulging disc. The cupcake is compressed but the filling is still in tact. (See above photo)

Second degree of herniation is a Protruding disc. The cupcake is compressed and the filling is leaking throughout the cupcake but not busting out the sides.

Third degree of herniation is a Ruptured disc. The cupcake is compressed and the filling is busting out and leaking into your body cavity.

I've got a Level II Proturder. What does this mean?

No work. Physical therapy three times a week. And I get to hang out with my new best friends still. I see the doctor back in 10 days for another evaluation. If he doesn't see any improvement, I get a big ol needle full of cortisone in my neck. Worst place to put a needle right? NO WAIT! Strike that. Second worst place. Worst place is for sure the eyeball. Fire in the sky anyone?

If the shot doesn't work then he will send me for a surgical consult which will involve sedation and another MRI. Because surgeons won't read other doctors MRI's. They want their own.

At least I didn't have a level III. That would've meant surgery for sure. For now I'm gonna do everything I can to keep the filling inside my cupcake. My plan is to sit on the couch and eat. You know, take things nice and easy.

The Cowardly Lion Survives!

I did it.

FYI: so called "Open Air MRI's" are not that open.

I was strapped to a table, my head taped down, a darth vader like apparatus placed over my face and was then inserted into the world's largest and loudest waffle iron.

For 27 agonizing minutes.

I kept my eyes closed the entire time and went to my happy place: Hawaii.

I did it. Without medication.

Can I get a Booya-grandma?!

Thank you for all the kind words and thoughts. They've meant a lot to me.

Tomorrows the Big Day

MRI.

Hope I don't wimp out.

Dan told me that he wanted to lock me in the dark closet and bang real loud on the door. "It'll be like simulation therapy babes."

He mocks me.

Doctor Say What?!!

Yesterday I got a call from a wonderful lady who labeled herself as my "patient advocate" and "case manager." I like to call her my "guardian angel." She was outraged that I wasn't sent to a specialist so she booked me an appointment with an orthopedist later that afternoon. Just like that.

She has promised to help me with all my workers comp paperwork due to my drug induced state and the fact that my right arm is sometimes numb and when I do write with it, the handwriting is NOT my own. Very weird.

So Dan shuttled me to the doctors office AGAIN and filled out another stack of paperwork and held it up to my face to sign because I cannot look anywhere but straight ahead. More Xrays and tests. We waited. Then the doctor came in and told me he wants me to go for an MRI because he thinks I've herniated or ruptured my cervical discs.
EXCUSE ME?!!! An MRI??!!!
I immediately burst into tears. see below

Let's review what happend the last time I went for an MRI shall we?

After a breif moment of hysteria, the doctor agreed to let me get an Open Air MRI. Not sure what that entails but I have my new best friends I can take before I go.

He gave me TWO more perscriptions and asked to see me back on Tuesday. I told him I was planning on flying to vegas for my yearly girls vacation. He told me I was not. I asked him for a neck brace. He said NO. I asked him for a back brace. He said NO.
EXCUSE ME?!!! No VEGAS??!!!
Worst news ever. Flights Cancelled. Resort Cancelled. Bags unpacked. It's just me, my neck log, appointments, MRIs, and drugs this weekend. Awesome. Stupid Zipline. I'm gonna go watch bride wars now.

Meet My New Best Friends

SOMA

PERCOCET

WARNING: flying down the longest zipline in the continental US four times a day for six months can result in serious injury.

On Friday I injured my neck at work. During our morning test ride I busted my neck upon contact with the "braking system" (aka crashing into three metal brakes)

The medic sent me to a clinic of his choice to be x-rayed. I never realized how important C5 and C6 vertebrae are until I hurt them. I now know how the tin man felt, unable to bend or turn his head. Off to physical therapy I went that same day to be tortured for another 30 minutes. Finally I was sent home with ice/hot packs, a neck log, and some drugs that were supposed to cure me.

They did not.

Being that it was the weekend and I couldn't get a hold of the clinic doctor, I did what any logical patient would do: Self medicate! I started taking Dans heavy duty muscle relaxers. They did not work.

Unable to administer an epidural to myself, I turned to the next best thing: NyQuil and my secret vicodin stash (which I acquired from Dans wisdom teeth removal) so I could sleep at night.

Went back to the doctor on Monday looking like a robot. He stated, "we are going to go after this quite aggressively now," and handed me a prescription for pure bottled magic.

After FOUR days of constant immobility and pain I was given the gift of percocet and soma. These little friends made it possible for me to walk, go to the bathroom on my own, brush my own hair, hug my baby before he left with Dan for preschool, and sit and type this blog. Miraculous. I LOVE modern medicine!

Sometimes I love things a little too much. Let's not forget my addiction to nose spray and Mt. Dew. Perhaps Dan will be checking me into rehab by the end of the week. But for now it's "doctors orders" and I couldn't be happier to hang out with my two new friends all day, every day until Thursday.